First thing I heard when I came into work today..."He stuck the call button up his butt again."

The ironic part of this is, you have to get special permission to remove the call button from said individuals room by demonstrating it is not putting him at risk to have the button removed.

I will go out on a limb and guess we may be able to prove he does not know how to use the call button correctly...

My 12 Shining Points of Wisdom for 2012

1. Forget one day at a time. Sometimes the best thing you can do is take life one breath at a time.
2. No matter what your friends and family say, if it doesn't sound good it’s NOT going to taste good. For example, you can cover escargot with sautéed garlic and sizzling butter... but it's still just a slimy turd of a snail disguised as cooked meat.
3. I highly recommend shopping at Goodwill. The secret is to find out the tag that is half off for the day, and then look for brand names with that color tag. I once came out with a $200 pair of Doc Martens for $1.99.
4. Window cleaner removes carpet stains.
5. Don't try to become something you're not in order to please someone else. They won't notice. They will, however, notice when you become resentful and depressed that they haven't noticed.
6. Shyness and low self-esteem is all too commonly mistaken as pride and arrogance.
Seriously, how ironic is that???
7. I enthusiastically endorse Ziploc microwave cooking bags for steaming vegetables.
8. It is very rude not to stop for people trying to cross the street. This especially goes for people in wheelchairs when it's raining.
9. When you're out in public, try to keep a small smile on your face. Let's face it, we are all getting a little too old to try and look "cool" for other people.
10. If you can, as much as possible try only to use your phone as a phone. I mean really, we are already disconnected from each other enough as it is!
11. You can't fix crazy.
12. Life's too short to drink bad beer.

Out of the mouth of babes...

My son was helping to make breakfast on Saturday morning, and commented that he "likes to do hand jobs in the kitchen". (Translation: he likes hands-on cooking...)

Reproduction According to Tayor

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Welcome to my blog. Here goes nothing...

I thought I would start this off by regurgitating some old blogs I had saved on MySpace back in 2008/2009. I guess this would be considered "cyber-housekeeping". Either way, here I am, and here they are... once they get these out of the way, we will move on to some original material. Geez, I sound like a washed up comedian.


I call this one "Name Dropping". Except there really wasn't a name, I was just trying to be cute and do a play on words. I did drop something, though and I guess that counts for something:

It was the best apple I had seen in a long time. I can tell that when I bite into it my taste buds are going to explode. It was going to be tart, sweet, crisp, crunchy and perfect. I held the apple with my hand, closed my eyes and brought it to my mouth to take the first bite.

And then I opened my eyes to watch the apple roll from my hand and land on the floor. I watched it for a long time. I tried that brain stuff that is supposed to make inanimate objects move, but apparently I'm not good at that. The apple stayed where it was. Have you ever noticed that the more you don't eat something, the better it tastes? Why is that, I wonder? Not only it that the downfall of many a diet, I have now discovered that it can be used as a form of psychological torture.

So you know how they say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade? I looked at that apple, gave it a little smile, positioned my wheel and proceeded to make myself some applesauce.


This next one was written after I watched my daughter out my dining room window one evening. I titled it "Princess of the Universe":

I am, of course, referring to my daughter Rylee. I gave her this title sometime back when I realized that I wasn’t going to be the only person on the stage-she’s a natural performer and has the attitude of a diva to boot. Apparently this is a common trait of four-year old girls that I don’t remember from my childhood (sorry mom), and can it ever be a showstopper! The other day she reenacted a scene from Forrest Gump and lost her legs in battle and was unable to clean her room because she could not walk. She channeled Memoirs of a Geisha the day she got into my powder and caked it all over her face (and the bathroom floor, sink, toilet, shelves...) Then, there was the memorable Brittney Spears impersonation when she insisted on going to daycare in nothing but a swimsuit, fluffy pink hat and dress up shoes. I would describe the ensuing battle, but it would give me Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Needless to say, she won.

But then she is a magical child, and comes up with amazing things that melt your heart and stimulate your mind. The other day we had a beautiful sunset. Rylee saw it from her bedroom window and had to put on an outfit to celebrate the occasion- this time it was a green swimsuit, leather dress up shoes with purple socks, a white scarf and a pink jacket. She accessorized by carrying a project she made in preschool. She went out to the street in front of the house and danced for the sunset, and sang a song to the setting sun; "DeLIGHTful su-unset, deLIGHTful su-unset!"

And as I watched my daughter dancing, twirling, lifting her hands and singing to the sun, I knew this would be something I would never forget. I also realized that no matter what she does, and how frustrated I become, my little diva had just done the impossible: she just danced even deeper into my heart.

Tune in next week, when I tell how my son charmingly explained that babies were made by the magic in his ballsack (those of you that read this on MySpace, don't give it away!)